Well you know life is all about moving and transitioning. You know we speak about change but when, where, how do we implement it? The truth is I don't have that answer, however I will try to explain how a transition feels to me.
I have been dealing with moving on(in my marriage) for about two years in my head but actually following thru with my plan has not occurred. Now here I am with my bags packed and nothing to lose because everything is gone. When I left for Los Angeles in 2008, I had a chip on my shoulder and a disdain in my heart for the past. What the past represented to me was all of my failures instead of my successes. I took a list a weighed out my success and what I perceived to be a failures. The truth be told my successes outweighed my failure, but at this point all I can feel and see were my failures. What are all of the tears for? Shouldn't I be happy that my family wants me around and is willing to support me in my dire time of need? Is there a part of me that is sad to see my life go forward? WTF? I think I am mourning my old life because it is dying and my transition represents the rebirth of a new one. My heart is very heavy with decisions and my head is full of worry. But I know that's a part of it all.."the transition." No one said it would be easy, but I am willing to make the best out of it.
As a transition, from this point going forward my life is full of success, no matter what. I will view at everything in my life as a success. I am moving closer to my family to reconstruct my life to move close to what my career calls for. I am a freelance writer, producer, and a director. I have worked in media for the majority of my life, that's all I want. That's all I know, nothing else will suffice, no replacement. When working into production (especially live) there's a rush goes over me that thrives on the fun of it all, talking to actors/host and working with a crew, telling a story and educating the public...is what I want to be a part of. Telling stories with visual media is what I was put here to become.
My ancestors wants the stories told of them prior to them being slaves and persecuted for the color of their skin. As I always say "Crouching tiger hidden dragon" of Africa. African people have a wide range of stories to be told and I want to be initiating that part of my life right now. Life is an initiation. It's how we behave in the moment of the initiation process that makes us who we are. I have to trust that this is best decision for my child and I. Transition is about having my back against the wall and having to trust that move is what my life calls for. Today has been a tough day for me and probably many more to come. I feel powerless. I do not think that I am not powerful, but I have forgotten who I am. And I returning home to really dig in and find out who this person is. Truly this defines a midlife crisis.
This is my first step in taking my life and career focus on the same track. I'm scared, not gonna lie. There is no blueprint for someone like me. I wish there was but its up to me to create that blueprint for next woman. But I heard wonderful stories of women who are able to overcome adversity and make the change that they want to see in their lives. I question myself about my decision making. What makes me doubt myself? Hmmm. I will ponder that thought while I am living at home with parents until I force myself to get real with what I want out life.
A midlife boogie...where to go from here...only success no matter what.
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wow, zenobia! you are truly making progress. you can't help but grieve what was. it is normal. you were in a particular energetic vibration in your marriage...one that you had gotten used to. now you are moving on to a new life, a new vibration. it will feel strange for a while and then you will get used to it until the next change.
ReplyDeletethere is a goddess, oya, she is in the yoruba spiritual system of ifa. other names that this energy is known by is saturn, kali, pele, sekhmet.
It is this energy that revealed to me one day that change is actually the norm and that everything staying the same is not the norm and in many ways stagnating and can lead us to a place where we die a slow death.
so with this transtion, this change, you are now back into the flow of your true nature and the natural rhythms of the universe.
we are in the waning part of the year and in the waning part of this particular lunar cycle.
ALL IS DIVINE, Sister. You are SO in alignment.
Cry if you need to. It is all good....
In light and Love
Tirra-Olufemi
www.goddess-body-mind-spirit.com
My sis. I disagree with Tirra. I can only imagine th pain you are experiencing but that is a misalignment. You are not in vibration with what you should be. The law of attraction states that if it is good for you than it will feel good to you. If you are out of alignment then you will feel it. Now I don't know about the gods of moons and suns but I do know this. If you are out of alignment you will not get to the place you want. Center on what you DO want, not what you don't. It is not the same thing. Stop pushing and yelling no because you are really pulling and saying yes. You have lost focus on your goal. WHAT DO YOU WANT! "
ReplyDelete@diana, i don't disagree with you. your points are right on from my view. i do feel that we can get used to feeling a negative vibration...it does not feel good but one almost does not realize it because one is there for so long.
ReplyDeleteso when we decide to move forward there may be a tugging that wants us to stay where we are...it is almost like inertia...just stay. but if we continue to move forward there can be what i call a shake down effect....we have to shed the old to embrace the new.
that is what i see in zenobia's transition...a shedding of the old.
thanks for your insightful comments.
I think you are awesome, very stylish with a charismatic personality that people gravitate towards. - A bit on the negative side sometimes, we can all get stuck in that record groove at times, but nothng that can't be grabbed by the horns. When one door closes, another opens. The scariest times lead to the most transcendental. You will reach the end of the tunnel. You already see the light. Just keep moving forward. Tu Amiga, K.
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