At the beginning of my relationship, you would have never told me in a million years that i would be starting over. However at 35 I'm up for the challenge. Getting rid of old habits and things is a way of starting over on a life that is halfway done. Forgiving yourself is a way of starting a new attitude.
The other day I was talking to one of my old dear friends that has known me since my single days. She asked me what happened to my swagger? I was like I guess I lost it in the couch cushions between 25 and 35. So, this article about how to get your shit back in order. There's no formula but as I do this, I will give you what I plan on doing.
Dating
Going out with different men could be life changing, you can see what's on the market. Right now, I have a man (i think..he's mad at me). And he's truly this wonderful dream guy. He got the intelligence, humor, gorgeous and very motivated. At this point in my life I need a man that is motivated by his dreams and goals. That's something that is bringing in the new..the old is not motivated at all. I see why women ended dating assholes because they are the ones that tend to be goal oriented. Also with my present relationship, I was afraid to be vulnerable but I may have hurt myself more by not being that way. That's my old behavior rearing its a ugly horns. Allowing yourself to loved is wonderful thing..that is bringing in the new. I wish my man knew how wounded I was, but I don't want to dwell on the past and nor does he.
Exercise
This should be a focal point of your everyday or every other day activity. I find that working out give the body a sense of purpose and release the stress during a most stressful time. And you proving to yourself that you can look good those pre preggo jeans. Since I have started gaining my life back, I have lost 15 lbs. I work out like a mad man. Right now, I don't have a car or a job but I works out everyday, I take 3 buses just to get the gym! I am determined to lose 50 lbs no matter what!
Spirituality
This has always been a part of my life and I have always been connected to the most high in one way or another. I believe that your worship to the most high is an individual choice. I believe that prayer does change things and if you don't want to do that meditate. Meditation is a way to connected with your inner spirit. You find your highest destiny when you do.
Love
Yes I said it..love. Love yourself, love your children, love your ex husbands and boyfriend and you will find that love will return to you. I am finding this out so late in the game, but it is true. I don't have a lot of experience in love but I want to experience it first hand with a real man. I don't know how to love and apparently if I did know love I messed it up. My man (hopefully still) is completely in love with me but I steady push him away. Why? I did a checklist about why I push away from love. I am able to reject love quicker than I can accept it. Here I have my dream guy and I run away. WTF? Well I realized that I didn't love myself. How deep is that realization? But going forth is that I deserve to be love and someone to experience the love I have to give as well. When I love, I love hard though. But when its gone..its fuckin gone. My advice if a man says he loves you..love him back.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Chapter 1-The Infamous 20's year olds
Well first of all, let's put age to the side because age has really nothing to do with this.
The title brings attention. Anyways, if you had told me a year ago that I would meet someone 11 years younger than me, I would have told you to shut the hell up and keep it moving. But this is beginning of new version of zenobia and I am exploring different avenues of men that I would have not considered before.
Remember how we were in our 20's? Confused, stupid and sensitive and then some, but the new 20's year old are different. They are confident, egotistical and have a plan. I didn't think I would have one of these fine men, but I do. I think what scares me the most about him, he's what I asked for in a man. He's kind, generous, supportive, encouraging, intelligent and absolutely gorgeous to me. What's my hangup? To be honest I don't know. I have to know people for a certain amount of time to see they are really gonna be who they say there are. The thing about being 30's you are stuck in this slower mentality to not trust most people until they prove themselves.
This may sound like I am a crazy woman, but I got love for my 20 something but he doesn't seem to feel it from me. Why can't I drop the facade and let someone else love me? I have been hurt, upset and completely drained from my last relationship. Am I delusional in thinking someone else could love me? Yes these are all questions that perplex me on a day to day basis.
Ladies, I do not encourage that you date men in their 20's unless they seem to be driven and motivated by life's plan. I recommend to date any man who has the qualities that your are looking for regardless of age. In the past, I would not date a man unless he was older than me, but now in my 30's, men in their 30's are freeking boring and trying to play games. Who the hell wants that?
In my circle of friends, I have a few of them that date younger men and currently do. They want meaningful relationships with someone who loves and cherishes them.
I will say this ladies, love who you loves you. We have spent way too much time wondering what everyone "thinks" you should date. Fuck it. If he's 20 or 50 if he treats you right I say go for it.
Next article, I wanted to talk about divorce. This is something that we never want to discuss or that we even plan to do when we got married. But what are the alternatives? What type of relationship can we have after a marriage? I know I personally, marriage for me is one the most life changing events and I am not sure if that was the best move for me. As women we can decide whether to be or not be..Is that really the frickin question? This is destiny question for most women, hell there is an industry built upon women and gay men getting hitched. If the divorce rate is 50%, then we are doing something wrong. The choices that we make are going to directly affect family and children. If you have any questions or comments please hit me up at theomilab@gmail.com.
The beginning
Welcome to my first blog about women going thru a mid life crisis. Currently I am in the middle of one.
First of all, I have been married almost seven years and during this time, I have given birth to a wonderful child and a husband who forgot what a sexy bitch he has for a wife. I never thought I would ever look at another man other than my hubby. We discussed having a open relationship in the past, but now in its present state, I would rather take a hiatus from the marriage.
When I was in my 20's, I told myself that I would not get married because I get bored with people very easily if they do not keep my attention. With pressure from family and how they viewed my life (instead of me viewing it) I got married and then right after that, I was preggo. I thought "Am I supposed to be happy about this?" But I knew I wanted a child because that's what real women do, we conquer, we nurture and we give birth right? Now I know I may offend some people in saying that women are "supposed" to procreate. Get over it. My point is if you don't use it you lose it. I digress.
I wanted write about my midlife boogie because a lot of my friends are going through this realization of their own wonderful bodies and the younger men that want them. Now I understand why older men date younger women. The sex is awesome and the body is unmentionable. Now my current hubby, is hot and I am sure some ho will want his body..I don't do ugly men with little penises, so I already know what's up.
During my dating process in my early 20's, I loved dating. I didn't enjoy it until I relocated to Tennessee because the men there love women with a little meat on the bone. So I will start at the beginning:
Dating in Oklahoma
This article should be just abandoned. No really. My dating/loving life did not exist. The men only dated fair skinned and long haired women. Period. So that left a short chocolate woman with shoulder length hair dating bustas or choosing not to date at all. I dated a few bustas but my sex life did not occur until I was in my 20's. Later down the road, I will explain what a busta really is to me.
A lot of women that I know, living in my hometown have a difficult time dating to due to what's left and the type of women are considered attractive. All of my friends are beautiful women in their own right, but most of the decent men leave or date white women exclusively. I don't have a problem with that. I know where they stand and we can move on.
What is amazing to me, most of my ex's that I interact with at this point in my life, they are nice and sweet and shit. It's really strange, but I just go with the flow. In my mid 30's, I realize that I left pretty good track record with the men I dated.
So do I have this ability to be ignored within the relationship and once I am gone I'm missed? Most men that I dated got married right after being with me for any amount of time. Interesting huh? I realize that my father had two marraiges, my uncle had two as well, the second one sticks better I think because you know what you really need from a partner and that person is a better fit emotionally for the rest of your life. Next article, we will speak about 30 year women dating men in their 20's. If you would like to throw your comments about your mid life boogie please email me at theomilab@gmail.com.
This article is the beginning to figure out is their a mid life boogie for women? If so, let's break that sh** down and let it be known...we like fresh meat too. Let's take a journey or open this can of whup ass of life. Enjoy!
First of all, I have been married almost seven years and during this time, I have given birth to a wonderful child and a husband who forgot what a sexy bitch he has for a wife. I never thought I would ever look at another man other than my hubby. We discussed having a open relationship in the past, but now in its present state, I would rather take a hiatus from the marriage.
When I was in my 20's, I told myself that I would not get married because I get bored with people very easily if they do not keep my attention. With pressure from family and how they viewed my life (instead of me viewing it) I got married and then right after that, I was preggo. I thought "Am I supposed to be happy about this?" But I knew I wanted a child because that's what real women do, we conquer, we nurture and we give birth right? Now I know I may offend some people in saying that women are "supposed" to procreate. Get over it. My point is if you don't use it you lose it. I digress.
I wanted write about my midlife boogie because a lot of my friends are going through this realization of their own wonderful bodies and the younger men that want them. Now I understand why older men date younger women. The sex is awesome and the body is unmentionable. Now my current hubby, is hot and I am sure some ho will want his body..I don't do ugly men with little penises, so I already know what's up.
During my dating process in my early 20's, I loved dating. I didn't enjoy it until I relocated to Tennessee because the men there love women with a little meat on the bone. So I will start at the beginning:
Dating in Oklahoma
This article should be just abandoned. No really. My dating/loving life did not exist. The men only dated fair skinned and long haired women. Period. So that left a short chocolate woman with shoulder length hair dating bustas or choosing not to date at all. I dated a few bustas but my sex life did not occur until I was in my 20's. Later down the road, I will explain what a busta really is to me.
A lot of women that I know, living in my hometown have a difficult time dating to due to what's left and the type of women are considered attractive. All of my friends are beautiful women in their own right, but most of the decent men leave or date white women exclusively. I don't have a problem with that. I know where they stand and we can move on.
What is amazing to me, most of my ex's that I interact with at this point in my life, they are nice and sweet and shit. It's really strange, but I just go with the flow. In my mid 30's, I realize that I left pretty good track record with the men I dated.
So do I have this ability to be ignored within the relationship and once I am gone I'm missed? Most men that I dated got married right after being with me for any amount of time. Interesting huh? I realize that my father had two marraiges, my uncle had two as well, the second one sticks better I think because you know what you really need from a partner and that person is a better fit emotionally for the rest of your life. Next article, we will speak about 30 year women dating men in their 20's. If you would like to throw your comments about your mid life boogie please email me at theomilab@gmail.com.
This article is the beginning to figure out is their a mid life boogie for women? If so, let's break that sh** down and let it be known...we like fresh meat too. Let's take a journey or open this can of whup ass of life. Enjoy!
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